Ash Wednesday: A Suburban Senshi Yarn
Part 1
Ash Wednesday: A Suburban Senshi Yarn
Part 1~ Close yet Far
Special thanks go out to Dr.
Xadium and Villie Valo of H.I.M., who helped inspire this
A lone white van sped down
a country road of
Love
Hate
Joy
Sadness
He knew in his heart, that
tonight would be there parting. The warrior and his poison
girl, never to see each other again. She was his…always and never. For
tonight he was forced to quell the evil that had taken her over.
****************************************************************
“How could you do it?” she asked me with
those tear stained eyes…those beautiful purple eyes. She sat there amongst the
one secret I’d tried to keep from her since we first met, the one dark part of
my past I wanted to take to hell with me. She flung a manila folder at my head
out of grief and anger, which I attempted to catch with my hand; instead I
received a rather nasty paper cut to my wrist. “How could you kill those
people?” she gritted her teeth, hate filling her voice “YOU MONSTER”
Let me wake up in your armsHear you say it's not alright She was right, I was a monster…a vicious
deplorable evil wretched excuse for a man, and I had to live with that. I had
to live with that weight on my mind till the day I died, to live with the fact
that I was a murderer and a torturer and I had enjoyed it “you’re absolutely
right…I am a monster. I deserve to be punished and I have, I get to live with
the guilt” I took a sharp inward breath, preparing for what she’d do next “the
only fact I can take comfort in is that the people I killed were monsters too”
Let me be self dead and goneSo far away from life
A single tear began to role down her cheek,
her eyes still pointing daggers at me “what about…me…what about my father?”
“Never” I replied “I could
never…”
Close my eyes…Hold me tight…And bury me deep inside your heart
A sharp slap across my face was the next
thing I remember; I didn’t even see her move from her sitting place. I could see
the hatred in her eyes, so clear and true .She felt it with every fiber of her
being “I HATE YOU”
“I’m sorry Clone-Chan, not that it matters to
you, but I’m not the same man was. I’m not him any longer” I drew my Beretta
and her shoulders went stiff, if only for a moment. I got down on my knees and
placed the gun in her pale hand “if you hate me as you say you do…just take
your retribution out on me now…just kill me here”
She froze, her eyes wide with terror
“w-what?”
All I ever wanted was you, my love
“Through you, I found a reason to change who
I used to be and strive to do some good in this world. You showed me that even
in the darkest of shadows, there is still hope…that anyone, no matter how
twisted, still has good in them. You gave me back my soul.” I took her hand and
forced the barrel of the gun to my own head “if you hate me as much as I know
you do right now…just end it, because I can’t go on at the thought of you
hating me” the gun shook in her hands, she looked even whiter then usual. I didn’t
want to live like this, not without her love…I just couldn’t go on if she
thought this way about me. She drew her hand away and her finger slipped, the
nine millimeter bucking wildly in her hand and the bullet grazing my cheek. I
fell from the shock and she panicked, thinking she’d accidentally blown my head
off. Rushing over to make sure I wasn’t dead, I reached up and wrapped my arms
around her waist. She fought me a little bit, pounding her fists into my chest,
tears rolling down her face. Then we locked eyes, the same need for comfort and
redemption danced within both of us, and tonight we would find it in each
other. I drew her into a hard, passionate kiss, the kind you only see in the
movies and we made love, right there in my office…
You... all I ever wanted is you, my loveYou’re all I ever wanted, just you
….my sweet little angel of death
…my earth angel…
But sadly, it was not meant to be…
DECEMBER 2004
I turned off the radio;
the pounding of J-rock not helping my nerves any. I didn’t want to do this…I
shouldn’t have to. But fate had seen to it that her blood would be on my hands.
Fate was a cruel mistress. I looked at the passenger seat, wishing she had been
there.
From lashes to ashes and from lust to dust, in your
sweetest torment I’m lost. And no heaven can help us, ready, willing, and able
to loose it all for a kiss so fatal and so warm
It was the poem that I had
read to her the night I’d proposed. I’d give the world for the chance just to
see her face again…to taste her skin and hear her voice…a voice I now have to
silence because fate had deemed it so
* * *
I said my goodbyes that
cold
Then she walked outside,
the other half that tormented my soul, the girl known as Hotaru Tomoe. I looked
over at her, feeling as awkward and uncomfortable as I always did.
She glanced at me;
regarding me as a friend…she only regarded me as a friend. Sometimes I wished,
while I was alone in my Harajuku office that she would walk through the door
and smile, and that we would talk for hours about the little things, I wished
she would say anything to save me from the bottle in my desk that I could never
seem to find the bottom of. Then there were some nights I wished she’d just
come in with one of my handguns and put a bullet in my head…just end my
suffering and be done with it. And still other times…well, perhaps now would
not be the best moment to think of those times, she was not ten feet from me
and imagining something sexually perverse probably would lead to embarrassment
on my part, or I would not be able to suppress my urges, then we’d all be in
trouble.
She wrapped the fur
collar-lined jacket around her tightly; trying her best to keep warm “I thought
you said you were going home”
I laughed slightly to
myself “I should, I have a meeting with a client at ten” I sighed, never taking
my eyes off the stars, resisting every screaming urge to look into those
beautiful eyes of hers “I don’t know” I sighed ”I’m just in one of my moods I
guess”
“You miss her don’t you,
clone-chan?”
“I do, she became my
reason to be, and now that she is gone from me I have no reason to be.” I
closed my eyes as the fond memories of the one I had loved entranced me, and
for a moment, I thought I could smell her perfume again...
“Journeys end in lovers
meeting, every wise man's son doth know. Perhaps fate meant you to take another
path; regardless…you will see her again”
“Fate should have taken
me, and sometimes I wish it would…she was an innocent, she didn’t deserve to
die”
She raised an eyebrow “you
desire death?”
I desire a lot of things I thought. I shifted uncomfortably in my leather
bike jacket “do you want to continue this conversation in my Civic for a minute
and get warmed up? You don’t have to if you don’t want to”
She looked like she
hesitated for a moment, and then approached my car. I felt elation, she didn’t
have to…but she did. We both got in and I started up the car, the CD player
blasting a song by some underground rapper from the states called “Jedi Mind
Tricks” that I had become a fan of, I quickly shut it off, she did not look
entertained by my choice in music
I fumbled with the heater
“but to answer your question, yes. There are times I wish I was dead” she
shifted in the leather seats, the skirt on her two-peace black outfit rising
slightly, I had to resist the urge to peek at her legs
“Sad…you have so much to
live for, and yet you desire to join those you put in the grave? You above all
people should know that death only brings more pain”
“Yea, but unlike them I
won’t be missed”
She raised an eyebrow “are
you that blind?”
“Far from it” I stuck a
Marlboro Red in my mouth and took a hit, blowing the smoke out my drivers-side
window. Am I blind? She was no doubt referring to the supposed ‘friends’ I had
in that house. The truth, as it was, was that they were not my friends...mere
acquaintances I saw on a daily basis. I liked it that way, less of a chance of
them getting harmed. When the night was over I always made my way out of the
crowd. I found in my years that the less people you consider your “friends” the
less chance they have of getting killed, regardless if there omni-powerful or
not. The only comfort I desired was that of my sins. “I don’t expect you to
understand Hotaru-chan, you’re not in love”
She chuckled to herself
and shook her head “thank Kami for that, we have enough love around here” she
hesitated for a moment “but you are. Aren’t you?”
“Yes I am, with the most
beautiful woman in all of
She blushed a little
“flattery will get you nowhere Mr. Davis”
I puffed the cigarette and
flicked the butt out the window “yea I know, but I had to get one last comment
in before I leave”
“Leave?”
I sighed “I’m going after
her, more than likely to my own death, but it’s something I have to do” I
resisted the urge to light another one “I know my puppy dog esq. tactics are
rather pathetic, but thank you for putting up with my bullshit”
She smiled and put a hand
on my shoulder “wait here”
I sat in the car, I must
have drifted off to sleep because as soon as I closed my eyes I felt a tap on
my shoulder and she handed me something, a little trinket that had feathers on
it
“The hell is this thing?”
“The Sioux Indian warriors
believed this to be a medallion that protected them from evil in there darkest
hour, may it bring you the same”
I felt elation; she actually gave me something “I…thank you
Hotaru-chan”
“So what are you going to
do?”
I smiled “I’m going to get
my fiancé back”
But I knew in my heart I wouldn’t, that nether of
us would come back…
* * *
I gripped the medallion tightly as I trudged
through the blinding snow, down a road I did not know, to the end of a journey
I could not see the outcome of. My white van crept slowly along, and every time
I glanced at the arsenal sitting in the side seat, my stomach squirmed.
Something had taken control of her, something dark and foreboding awakened by
whatever had taken its nightmarish revenge out on my friends. Was it Mistress
Nine? Was it something else? I did not have the answer to these questions, but
I intended to be prepared for anything
I might find out here. My mind briefly drifted back to that night in the study
The smell
of her hair…
The taste
of her flesh…
The sounds
of her voice as it moaned throughout the night
I snapped back to reality just long enough to
see what appeared to be a little girl standing in the middle of the road
clutching a doll. I grabbed the wheel and turned it hard, the big block Chevy
jack-knifed in the middle of the road and flipped, catching air and sailing
over her head. I rattled around inside and got flung into the back, my ribs
crunching painfully into the corner of the metal frame I had bolted together
back there to hold my bed. The van skidded some fifty feet before I began to
waiver in and out of consciousness. I haphazardly grabbed my chrome M9 and
stuffed it in the waist of my pants, grabbing five clips out of the overturned
lock box by my feet…seventy-five rounds total…nowhere near the firepower I
would need. I briefly thought of Minako’s friend Usagi, the legendary Sailor
Moon, wondering if I should make some phone calls and find someone who knew how
to get a hold of her. Any sensible person would have called for back up after
getting that little tingle in the back of your head telling you this would get
messy before the end, but I scratched that idea
I had no need for her brand of justice
I was a soldier, and my brand held fifteen
hollow-points
Climbing out of the van, my vision blurring
every couple seconds, I saw the same little girl from before, her exact
features blurred by the snow. “Hey you” I cried out “what the hell are you
doing out here? I could have hit you?” I inched closer, my mind too racked with
pain to see what should have been written clearly in front of mine eyes. The
little girl stepped through the veil of white and revealed herself. Caucasian
skinned, clad in a white nightgown with long black hair clutching a small
handmade doll. I crouched down on one knee as my hip popped sickly “are you
lost? Can I help you find your parents little one?” Then finally, as if I felt
I should have seen it from the beginning, I noticed she had no shoes on…in
three to five inches of snow and she wasn’t even shivering
The little girl chuckled “my mommy says
you’re not allowed to go near her house…she won’t allow it at all”
“And
who is your mommy?” my hand started that old familiar motion as it drifted
towards my handgun, a repetitive motion done a hundred times or more before.
“Why Mistress Nine of course” The little girl
stretched out her arms, as if mimicking the crucifixion of Jesus. She burst
into flame and took on an appearance of some horrid devil child…horns and all,
a three foot high pillar of flame trailing behind her so hot it was melting the
asphalt on the road I slowly backed away, formulating a plan in
the back of my mind on how to kill this thing. It dove at me with all the fury
of hell behind it, and I dove to my right, popping off three shots as two of
them struck her in the head and she went down like a sack of potatoes and
turned into a little pile of ash.
Rather anti-climactic yes, but it saved me
time I didn’t have to spend
...somewhere out there was the thing that had
possessed the only person I gave a damn about, and it had hell to pay.
I got up and limped into
the curtain of snow, and I could swear, as I drifted further, I heard that
little pile of ash laugh at me.
My suspicions were in fact confirmed
by the cone of flame that swept across my side, searing my flesh as I screamed.
I had never felt pain like this before, feeling my own flesh bubble and fall
away. And here I thought getting shot was the worst pain…clearly I knew
nothing. Clutching my side, I saw the thing behind me, apparently reformed and
laughing somewhat manically
It giggled “you’re fun to
play with, but I gotta gut you now and get home”
I took no
chances this time; I blew her head off and pumped a couple more rounds into the
pile of ash till it drifted into the winds. I ejected the spent magazine,
resisting the urge to fling a cheesy one liner…kids today…or something like
that. I wasn’t out her to crack jokes or act like I wasn’t Vin Diesel in some
stupid movie. This was revenge, pure and simple.
I pressed on
through the sheet of white, occasionally hearing a rustling sound in the
distance or behind me…I couldn’t tell…this thing was playing games with me.
Suddenly the house came into clear view, and I suddenly felt as if I was
trapped in a Nightmare on
A gunshot…
A scream…
…I don’t remember the rest
It was only when
I awoke in the hospital bed that I learned the truth. She was dead. Freed from her suffering by my own hands. Minako and Xadium tried to
comfort me, but there was no comfort in this. Like always, I destroyed when I
could have saved. I buried my head in my hands and cried…
…and part of my
soul died that night
Earth angel, the one I
adore
Love you forever, and
ever more