Lemonade

Lemonade

May 29th, 2005

Minako shoved her adopted little brother in the side in annoyance, her lounge pressed against her upper lip in concentration as she tried to think of the right word. "Moh, pay attention," she snapped.

"Why? You've been sitting there, staring at the screen for like a minute," Furu said in a whiny voice as he moved around slightly in his seat. "'s not like I'm missin' anything important."

Minako fumed. "Hey!! If we want to win this contest we need to make every word just right!!" She poked Furu in the forehead with her forefinger. "Slash stories don't write themselves you know!! We need to make Tuxedo Kamen-sama and Haruna-sensei WORK."

The jinzouningen frowned. "First off, *you* talked me into this. Second off, how do we make them work? They've never even met as far as anyone knows!" Furu pointed towards the computer screen. "No offense, Mina-neechan, but if you wanna win this, you're gonna have to do a lot better than what we've got right now."

In reply, Minako thwapped Furu on the back of the head "Didn't you read the part where he flew into the classroom window because a Youma threw him there, and he was all cut up and bleeding on the exam papers on Haruna-sensei's desk and she had the heart-googly eyes and dismissed the class dimming the lights??" She shook her head in exasperation. "That's all the meeting you need!"

Furu rubbed the back of his head and muttered, "Yeah, I did. That's EXACTLY what I was talking about." He spoke up louder, "Mina-neechan, if you some random person landed on your desk horribly wounded, would YOU suddenly feel the urge...to...", Furu trailed off as he started to turn red.

Minako's eyes widened as she pondered that for a moment, blushing slightly. Then she wrinkled her nose and slammed Furu on the back of the head with a Domokun plush. "THAT'S WHY I GOT MARRIED, BAKA!" Exhaling a bit, she turned to Furu. "So, what should she do first... I mean he's incredibly hot I guess, but he's bleeding to death... so there's a dill pickle right?"*

* = Dilemma

"A...a..wha-...Oh, yeah. I see what you mean." Furu looked up at the ceiling, scratching his head and thinking a little more seriously about the problem than he'd care to admit. "Weeelll....", he thought outloud, "....Couldn't she nurse him back to health or somethin'?

Minako nodded enthusiastically. "Now you understand!!" She grinned, eyes focusing on the middle distance as she wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth, imagining. "She gently nurses him back to health, treating his wounds delicately and carefully, having to thoroughly examine every inch of him..." She blushed, then realized Tuxedo Kamen was the protagonist and had to fight down the vomit reflex.

Furu sweatdropped as he watch his big sister go from picturing a totally impossible romantic scene to looking like she was going to lose her lunch all over the room. "R-right....anyway, I still don't think this is possible. I mean, wouldn't Mamoru-san have somethin' to say about it?"

Minako just LOOKED at her little brother. "It's a slash fic, he doesn't have a choice in it." She chuckled. "And if he's like most men, pretty soon he'll be saying her name pretty loudly, ne? Ne?" She jabbed Furu in the side to emphasize the point.

Blushing more than at the start of the writing process, Furu frowned again. "I wouldn't *know*, Mina-neechan. I guess if all guys are really that weak-willed and manipulated by a bad plot, then I guess so."

Shaking her head sadly, Minako patted Furu on the back. "One day you'll understand." She looked back at the screen, eyes moving back and forth rapidly as she read what they had. "Ok so she wants him and he wants her, so how should the first move go?"

"What? Shouldn't you know that?", he asked. "I mean, you're the expert and everything." Furu neglected to mention having to answer the question would of meant losing more of his blood-hydraulic fluid through his nose.

Minako laughed. "I guess so..." She pondered for a moment. "Well sometimes I like to start with the upside-down pineapple kiss."

"Oh, yeah, that." Furu said idly, before stopping to think how exactly he knew what that was. "Isn't that going a bit fast, though? I mean, they barely met and I doubt he'll be crazy about that stuff to fast." He paused. "In fact, what about his "Miracle Romance"-type thingie with Usagi?"

Minako looked at Furu oddly, pulling her head back a bit in surprise. "An upside-down pineapple kiss is when..." She turned to the keyboard and started to write.

She leaned over him, looking at his closed eyes. He looked so innocent, so pure, like a freshly washed towel in Downy. Standing in front of him, with the top of his facing her as he laid on the table, she bent down, her nose under his, kissing him, their lips meeting upside-down."

"As for Miracle Romance," Minako mused, "Who would want a crybaby like Usagi-chan when a mature woman like Haruna-sensei would be available? Besides, we can say the fall through the window gave him amnesia."

Furu grunted a little. Amnesia. Of course, the classic cop-out tool. "There's a bigger issue here now, though," he said, pointing at the monitor. ".....Downy? Really? Issat the best you have?"

"God," Minako sighed. "Do you know how soft that is when you're just rolling around in it with no clo..." She quickly went silent.

Oooookay!" Furu said a little more loudly than he should of in an attempt to hide the dripping blood from his nostrils. "Downy's fine. Downy's great, let's go with it. Now what?"

Minako frowned. "YOU THINK OF SOMETHING, YOU'RE A MAN!"

"Well, JUST BARELY!", Furu yelled back. It took a few seconds to realize he should of thought that out better."

Giggling at that, Minako tilted her head. "Ok, so if you were Tuxedo Kamen-sama, what would you want happening to you?" A mischievous twinkle was in her eyes.

Furu folded his arms and closed his eyes, both trying to think seriously about this for his sister's sake and trying to resist the urge to run out of the room screaming in pure embarrassment. "I'd like...", he started slowly, "...to be hugged extremely tight. Cuddled even...and then...", Furu's eyes opened suddenly. "Ya know, maybe my idea's not that good."

"Sweet." Minako nodded, starting to write that in.

Leaning over him, she hugged him tightly, cuddling him. Then with savage animal lusts, like the angry tigress she tore up the things in her way and made him vulnerable and ready for seduction.

"...I...wait..Lusts...made him...?" Furu shook his head and thanked the powers that be for grammar check. "Anyway, that's not....too bad. This is about where my knowledge ends, though.", he lied not-too-convincingly.

"Don't HOLD BACK!" Minako yelled, grabbing Furu by the collar and shaking him comically. "WE NEED TO WIN THIS CONTEST!! HELP ME SEDUCE TUXEDO KAMEN-SAMA!!"

"A-all riiight, juuust stooop shaaaking meeeee!" Furu's eyes turned into swirls as he was pulled around.

Minako unceremoniously dropped him and continued to write. "So, what if she did this with her leg?" She wrote something in.

Recovering from the shaking, Furu leaned in towards the monitor and raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't that get a lil'..er...messy?"

"Won't they get a surprise on their test papers," Minako mused. "I guess so, but where else would it go??"

"Well...they could get a tarp for it to go, I suppose...", Furu guessed without really thinking.

Minako shook her head. " I think we need to involve toys or something. I mean slash fics always use them right?"

"How should *I* know that?!", Furu responded defensively.

Oblivious to Furu's tone, Minako continued to write.

Flipping her over like a well-done waffle, he mounted her in the mission impossible potion, pulling out a toy from the desk, rolling the small truck carefully over her hills and valleys sensitively. It was very pleasurably hot.

"....I DON'T think that's what they mean by a toy, Mina-neechan." Furu placed his face in his palm and sighed. "And why would that even BE in the desk?"

"Teachers always take away toys. Ami-chan said she once took away her Hello Kitty buzzing glow in the dark stick thing."

"......Ya know....I don't even know how to respond to that. Just, go on."

"Moh!" Minako exclaimed, getting up. "We're supposed to be a team! You do something! Make them say sweet droppings to each other or something!" Annoyed, she shoved the keyboard in Furu's face.

"B-but...I'm no good at this!", Furu protested, trying to wave the keyboard away. "You're the expert, aren't you? Why do you even NEED my help?"

"We don't' do anything as a family!" Minako snapped. Raising a finger in the air authoritatively, she intoned, "The family that writes together fights together."

Furu felt it unnecessary to comment on how accurate that was. "Maybe we'd DO more stuff together if you weren't so busy makin' your own 'slash fics' with Dr. X all the time, Mina-neechan," he responded bitterly.

Minako turned beet red for a second and coughed. To cover her embarrassment she yelled, very loudly. "THERE'S NO 'JEALOUSY' in TEAM!"

Sighing, Furu slapped his forehead. "..Why *this*, Mina-neechan? We could of gone to an amusement park or someplace to eat or somethin'...but instead I'm here helpin' you win a contest full of bad stories that yours is probably gotta just be the LEAST bad in order to win." He sighed as he said the words he'd been meaning to. "Sometimes, I really don't think you care too much about me, ya know?"

Minako turned to face Furu, looking genuinely hurt. "Moh, you're my very important little brother." She put her hand on his shoulder. "If I didn't care about you would I have asked you to help me?? Don't you want to win a prize with your big sister??" Her mouth began to quiver and tears began to fill her eyes.

Whatever little resolve he had left quickly shattered when he saw the expression on Minako's face. Sighing again, Furu managed to muster a bright smile and a thumbs-up. "Yeah, you're right. Let's win this thing!"

"Wai! Wai!" Minako cheered, huggling Furu close for a moment, then jumping up and down and waving small flags that read "banzai" on them.

Furu grinned and sweatdropped, wondering where the Hell those flags keep coming from, but instead of asking, he took the keyboard and cracked his fingers. "All right now, time to put my limited knowledge to work!

Minako leaned forward behind Furu, peering over his shoulder to see what he could do.

Tuxedo Kamen slowly ran his hands up Haruna's side, and kissed her on the back of her head. He then rubbed her butt vigorously and made a series of monkey-like grunts and shouts.

"HA! How's THAT!"

Minako nodded enthusiastically and began to add to it.

"Haruna-sensei," Tuxedo Kamen grunted, slapping her on the money shaker, "How does it feel to be spanked by a monkey?"

Furu blinked in confusion. "...Issat really how you people *talk* during this?"

"No!" Minako sighed. "Just... that's what I figured he'd say like some kind of Tarzan."

"Let's try somethin' a little less....er...corresponding'", Furu said, taking the keyboard back.

"Oh, Tuxedo Kamen-saamaaaaa~~~!!", Haruna said, bent over her desk. "I always dreamed of meeting someone like you, with your top hat and cape and Furu broke out laughing and started hitting the delete button. "I couldn't type that with a straight face. I mean, who wants to have sex with someone who's dressed like an extra from a Victorian period film?"

Minako instantly thought of her husband and glared at Furu for a good long time.

Oblivious, he slid the keyboard back to his sister. "I mean, really, what a horrible look. Heheh. Oh well, you try."

Minako frowned and muttered something about "you have no idea" and began typing.

"That's it!" Haruna passionately spoke hotly, "pump the hydraulics! Oh, Tuxedo Kamen-sama, enflame my heroic passions and make me feminine!"

Furu only managed to read half the sentence before the rest was obscured by a burst of blood from his nose landing on the monitor. "....Uhh....s-sorry..", he stammered sheepishly.

Minako dimly looked at Furu for a moment and then took a handkerchief, wiping off the monitor. "This is kind of tame... maybe we need a third person to splice it up and make it even hotter..." She thrust the keyboard back in Furu's hands. "Write someone in."

H-hey!", Furu protested, trying to push the keyboard back. "This is spli...er..SPICED up enough as it is. You write like a hentai doujin author....though your grammar is *slightly* better."

"Hey!" Minako shot back. "I might be fluid in English but writing it is tough!! And how do YOU know what H-Doujin writers write like anyway??" She went nose to nose with Furu as she asked that question.

"I..I...Er...Ah...", Furu stammered and leaned back in his chair in an attempt to get away from Minako...and soon found himself flat on his back as the legs slipped out from underneath him. "Ow."

"Where are you looking!?" Minako snapped, crossing her legs, even though Furu wasn't looking anywhere near there. "You need to put that energy into the story!! Now we need a surprise ending to make the audience feel like they've got value for money."

Climbing back up to his feet, Furu grabbed the keyboard. "I have just the thing!"

"Haruna-sensei....I have a something to tell you...", Tuxedo Kamen whispered in her ear breathlessly. "I'm actually...", he tore his mask off, allowing his face to finish his sentence for him. Haruna screamed as she looked up into her lover's true face, and his beady, evil eyes. The eyes of a man known as Gary Coleman.

"Was that an erotic scream or a scared scream?" Minako asked clinically.

Furu shrugged. "What's the difference?"

Minako smacked Furu, a serious look in her eye. "One you want to give to your lover, the other you don't. Ever."

He winced. "All right, all right. Well, which do YOU think? What'd you do if you found out Dr. X was really the kid who played Webster or somethin'?"

Minako shuddered involuntarily. "I'd make him commit seppuku."

"So, there's your answer then." Furu said, folding his arms confidently.

"But what part about Gary Coleman-san in a Tuxedo making Haruna-sensei see God will win us the contest??"

"Hey, you said you wanted a twist ending, didn't say you wanted one that made sense".

"I meant a twist like this," Minako countered, gyrating a little by way of demonstration.

Furu quickly covered his eyes. "Then ya should of been SPECIFIC!"

Minako sighed and deleted some of it. "OK start them off in the position of the 'origami lotus mailed in the tantric crane envelope'"

"...The who in the what now?"

Minako took a sketchpad and made some detailed technical diagrams.

Furu covered his nose with his hands to stifle the blood. "ALL RIGHT! I get it!" He turned to the computer and typed the..positions..in.

"Her arm bends back like that," Minako observed. "And his... sideways, yeah."

Looking down, Furu typed the description slower and slower.

"Something wrong, Furu-chan?" Minako asked curiously.

"Do ya really think I'm all that comfortable typin' this?", he asked back.

"You seem to be paying a lot more attention now," Minako observed.

"W-well...I guess somehow I am interested a lil' in...this...stuff." Furu sank into his seat slightly.

Minako shook her head "Dame!" she chided. "As General Patton said, "the trick is not to be seduced by your own fic, it's to make the other bastard get seduced by his!"

Furu's typing skipped a beat, his ignorance of Earth history showing. "Somebody SAID that?"

Minako nodded sagely.

Shrugging, Furu turned his eyes back to the screen to review what he typed.

...his arms intwined with hers, like so many salty, sweaty pretzels. Their hot bodies pushed together like s'mores...

"...I think I'm hungry."

"Masaka..." Minako muttered. "Don't tell me Furu-chan wants to go make a sandwich..." Minako muttered, employing a euphemism for an entirely different action.

NO!" Furu yelled, again being defensive. He hated that Minako really had such a low opinion of his own self-control. "I really AM hungry. Can't we take a break?"

Minako sighed. The fic was just about done anyway. Tuxedo Gary-sama had made Haruna-sensei experience his different spokes, and now she was a quivering lump of passion on the desk sweating out her oldies. There wasn't much ground to cover, since the two had used about every square inch of the classroom including the hamster tank.

"Ok!!" she said brightly, slapping Furu-chan on the back. "Just write Haruna-sensei's last words and we'll be done!!"

Cracking his fingers again, and his mostly metal stomach growling louder, Furu typed the only positive words his hunger induced mental state could come up with.

"I'm SO FULL!", Haruna wailed.