And baby makes three...

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Title: And Baby makes Three...
Author: UltraMatt
Date Written: 12/10/2020
Continuity SSEU Earth 1337-A
Time Placement 1994
Synopsis Living in the past, Paisley has to deal with not only the pains of British bureaucracy but also another small issue...
Rating G
Additional Notes



“Look, I haven’t bloody got time to deal with this….I have things to do..if you want to make a fight of this…ugh…” Paisley half-listened to the voice on the other end. She was starting to regret the whole “travel back in time to re-raise your daughter properly” plan and that was even before the nasty little final trick the fairies decided to play on her. She had thought it would have been easy as anything to create a convincing backstory for herself. A simple use of her mental prowess upon the agent and that would be that. She had severely underestimated the absolute soul-crushing life of the English solicitor. While she had been able to somewhat muddle the man’s mind, his utter lack of any manner of will meant that he was stubbornly refusing to allow her to “cheat” her way past the proper property forms. “I already sent in the form, I told you that!!! No…not that form….what do you mean there’s another form!? How many bloody forms do I have to sign for legal ownership of this hovel!?” She paused as she felt something hit the side of her foot. Glancing down, she could see a small blue ball resting up against it. She sighed and picked up the toy then carefully trying to balance the phone in one hand, trying to carefully fix the cord with one hand and holding onto the ball with the other. “Yes, yes i’m still on the line…look, I’ll be over as soon as I…can…” With effort, Paisely held the ball out to the red haired tot, who currently was reaching for it from the play pen that had been set up in the room. Much to her frustration, the cord seemed to be just short enough that she couldn’t quite manage it. With a grunt of irritation, Paisley gave the phone a single tug, only for the thing to fall off the table, though in the process, the ball slipped out of her hand, falling into the arms of the infant, who fell onto her bottom. “Oh come on!” Paisley shouted to no one in particular, grabbing the receiver up once more. “Hello? Hello?? Bloody hell…” she said, slamming the receiver down. She sighed and looked over and kneeling in front of the infant frowned at her. “This is all your fault you know.” She said. The baby blinked at Paisley and then almost in answer to it, held up the ball to her, gently bonking her in the nose with it, causing her glasses to go askew slightly. Paisley sighed and adjusted her glasses once more. She thought this would be so easy: go back in time, allow Kaelyn to have a fuller child hood, come home when she was her proper age and go back to being the fashionably disinterested slash fic aficionado that she was before. It all seemed so simple. She should have known better. Fairies do not like when one tries to cheat the system. Now she was in the one situation that she had never wanted to be in her entire life. In 1994. In Chichester. Her attention was pulled back to the present day as she felt tiny hands grab at her face, squishing her cheeks. Paisley sighed. It was times like this she wished Exeter was here. She paused for a moment. She could be such a dunce sometimes. She concentrated, focusing her mind fully onto the task. She snapped her finger and a confused and somewhat bewildered Exeter stumbled into view, crashing sideways into the wall. “Took you long enough” Paisley said then glanced up and down Exeter, who was currently wearing nothing more then a towel around his waist, the water still dripping from his body. “Oi, the carpet is expensive, you know”

“The connection is suppose to be only used in this way if it’s an emergency, paisley!” Exeter said, half out of embarrassment and half out of irritation.

“Yes, well this an emergency, love” Paisley replied.

“Well what could be so important that you-“ Before he could finish his response, Paisley thrust Kaelyn into his arms, forcing him at the same time to grab his towel before it could fall to the ground. He paused and looked down at the infant in his arms. It didn’t take him long to recognize who it was. He looked back up at Paisley. “I am NOT changing diapers” he said. Paisley, however, didn’t seem to hear him, as she quickly was grabbing her things. “Wait, where are you going!?”

“Look, I have to go deal with the rigors of British bearcuracy. I need you to look after her while I’m gone.” Paisely said.

“Woman, you are not going to do this to me!!” Exeter said but Paisley seemed to ignore him, putting a hand gently on top of Kaelyn’s little head.

“You be good for papa, alright? Mummy will be home as soon as she is done shredding the minds of a few real estate agents” Kaelyn simply tried to reach out with her little hands.

“Paisley, I’m begging you…”

“The nappies are under the cupboard in the kitchen. Left instructions for her feeding pinned to the wall. Try to keep the house in one piece” Paisley gave a wave and without another word, left. Exeter sighed and looked down at the baby in his arms, who simply stared back at him.

“Now what do I do…”

“…so you filled out form 35-RNA” the man intoned in the slow and steady fashioned that always marked those who were dead inside. Paisley for her part barely kept in the urge to flip the table. She had already kept her eyes locked on his for a good ten minutes and he had showed no signs of bending to her will.

“Yes, I already filled out form 35-RNA….I filled out 35-RNA two days ago. I told you I filled out 35-RNA when I filled it out” she growled angrily. “All I want…”She took a deep breath in, steadying herself “all I want is to have my name attached to the property”

“You’ll want form 46-BRT then” Paisley paused for a moment then looked at the form she held in her hand.

“What’s this then!?” Paisley thrust the form in front of the man, who glanced down at it.

“Oh, that’s form 45-BRT. That expired five minutes ago.” Paisley slammed her head against the table in response.

Exeter had managed to find some proper clothes but he had other things to attend to. He glanced back at Kaelyn, who currently sat in the playpen, wiggling around a stuffed bear, which was even bigger than her. He adored Livia and Kaelyn of course. They were as close to him as full bloodied family could be. However, Livia and Kaelyn were at the time small children and even with all the mischief and energy that they tended to be full of, they were still manageable. A baby on the other hand…that was something completely different and though he still cared about Kaelyn, he wasn’t sure if he could do this. HIs thoughts were interrupted by the loud sound of a whistle. He spun around and swore under his breath as he saw the kettle he had placed on the stove top to warm up was now at boiling. Rushing forward, he grabbed it, only to give a shout of pain as the steam hit his wrist, causing him to drop the kettle, splashing water onto the stove. Stumbling back, his elbow hit the container full of baby formula he had set on the table, causing it to spill across the floor, as well as the baby bottle to fall to the ground. Scrambling down on his hands and knees, he attempted to scoop as much of the formula back into container. Satisfied, he slowly stood back up, only for his head to hit the bottom of the table, dropping the bottle once again on reflex. Wincing, he looked at the mess around him and sighed. This was not the best start to his babysitting work.

Paisley pushed the completed form in front of the man, grumbling.

“There. All done. Is that good enough?” She hissed the words between her teeth. The man for his part simply adjusted his glasses and looked over the piece of paper, studying each word. For Paisley’s part, she just began to imagine all the cruel things she could do to him. Her day dreaming was interrupted as the man put the paper down again.

“This should be enough, outside the solicitor’s form.”

“Solicitor’s form?” Paisely couldn’t believe this crap. The man noticed her reaction and glanced over at Paisley.

“You do have a solicitor, correct?” Paisley could swear that if it wasn’t for his obvious lack of emotion, then she could have sworn that he was taunting her.

“Yes. of course I do. What is this solicitor form?” The man pushed forward another form in front of the rapidly impatient woman.

“We will just need your solicitor to fill this out for us, then we can begin the process of transferring it to your name.” Paisley grabbed a pencil on the desk and snapped it in half.

Exeter sighed, carefully holding Kaelyn in one arm and holding the bottle in his other hand. He watched as Kaelyn quietly drank, once in awhile putting out a little kick. His shirt was by now caked in baby formula but he had managed to get it done. In the back of his mind, he could feel the irritation of Paisley starting to bleed through. Whatever was happening to her was starting to break down the carefully prepared emotional barriers she usually had placed up. He did not envy her. He suddenly felt something pushing against the bottle in his hand. Looking down, he could see Kaelyn trying to push away the drink, making obviously displeased sound. What little he knew about infants meant that she had had enough, so he quickly placed the bottle back on the table, then, following what he had read in the book which Paisely had so graciously left on the table for him to read, he carefully placed the infant against his shoulder and pat her on the back, till he heard the sound of a tiny belch. Exeter relaxed for a moment, feeling that at least he had gotten this right but then paused. Something seemed wrong. He felt Kaelyn’s back and then, dreading the very thought, felt the infant’s bottom.

“Oh no…”

“Look, I just need…yes I know this is out of the ordinary but I need you to help me fill out this form?” Paisely listened to the voice on the other end as it made every little excuse possible not to do what she was asking of them. “No, I can’t just mail it to you, you bloody well know that!!!” She heard a tapping at the outside of the phone booth she was currently standing in and glanced behind her. An older woman was trying to get her attention, mouthing something to her. Paisley tried to signal that she was still busy and turned away.

“Do you know how much energy i’m using just calling you from here?” she muttered, irritated. “All I need to do is ask you some questions and you give me the answers and then i’ll fill it out, alright?” Paisley listened to the answer and rolled her eyes. “Yes, I am well aware this may not be legally sound but what else am I suppose to do!?” Once again, she could hear the rapping outside the the phone box and turning, saw the same woman, trying to signal to her and saying something. Paisley turned away once again. “Can we just start this already? I want to have this done by today. You don’t know how bloody difficult it is to be staying in the past!” Paisley listened to the answer and sighed. “Fine, I’ll do this as quick as possible.” Paisley adjusted her stance, trying to get the paper pressed up against the wall, so she could write on it. “Alright we’ll begin with..” Paisley started to write things down but she found it almost impossible to get a clear answer as the sound of the knocking started to drown it out. Soon it became almost beyond her ability to make anything out. Paisley turned and without thinking slammed the phone back on the receiver, pushing open the doors and stepping out to face the woman. “What is your problem!?” Paisley shouted. The older woman for her part simply blinked and smiled.

“Oh i’m so sorry, dearie. Changed my mind. You have a good day.” Paisley watched with utter disbelief as the woman walked off. Sighing, she turned to go back in the phone booth, only to find a man had slipped in while she had stepped out. Grumbling, Paisley gently tapped against the surface of the booth door.

Exeter sighed and cracked his neck slightly. He was about to face his greatest challenge. He carefully reached to the side of the blanketed table and prepared the tools at his disposable. With his other hand, he attempted to use it on the target, however, much to his frustration, they simply weren’t cooperating with him.

“Will you…stop….wiggling!” Exeter said, attempting as best he could to try and put the diaper on the infant, but each time he went to try and carefully hold onto the child’s feet, Kaelyn would simply put out a little giggle and gently kick her legs out at him. More than once, she tried to wiggle off the table itself, forcing him to grab her and put her back in place. He was a patient man (most of the time), but even this was starting to make things difficult for him. “Kaelyn, please!!” He begged, which in return caused Kaelyn to stuff her hands in her mouth, kicking even more than before. It was at that moment an idea came to him. Looking around, he spotted the bear from earlier. He was going to have to be quick about this if it was going to work. Reaching down, he quickly picked up the plush toy and waved it in front of the infant girl. Kaelyn immediately seemed to quiet down, staring at the bear in front of her. This was his chance! With a quick motion, Exeter slid the diaper under the girl, taping it shut with one motion. Sighing in relief, he carefully placed the toy aside, before carefully picking up Kaelyn and holding her. “Well…at least that’s finished…” He paused, then frowned to himself and then glanced down at the baby in his arms, as well as his shirt.

“Not again…”

Paisley stumbled back to the desk, clutching the papers in her fist and slammed it down on the table in front of the man, who simply glanced up at her.

“There…” she growled, “there’s your..bloody…..solictor’s form…” She glared at the man, who simply looked back at her. “Now, can we FINALLY finish getting this thing done!?” She had reached the limits of her temper. The man looked quietly at the forms and then back at the furious woman in front of him.

“I’m afraid not. You see my shift has just ended. We’ll have to continue this tomorrow.”

Paisley’s eye twitched.

“All right…now no causing problems, understood?” Exeter wagged his fingers at the Kaelyn, who currently was much more interested in the rubber ducky which was floating around her in the sink she was currently sitting in. Exeter sighed, putting some baby shampoo in his hands and carefully trying to apply it to Kaelyn’s hair. He was starting to get worn down by all this. He had never realized just how difficult caring for something so small could be. He winced as water suddenly splashed in his face. Wiping his eyes, he looked back at the child, who was happily splashing around the small pool of water. Kaelyn paused for a moment and reaching out a small hand, pressed it against Exeter’s nose, causing him to go cross eye, which only resulted in further giggles from the infant. Exeter couldn’t help but smile a bit at this. “Alright, you’re forgiven” he muttered, only to have another splash of water hit him in the face. “Maybe.”

Paisley was utterly worn out. She had to be pried away from stuffing papers down the throat of the agent but she had done it. The property was her’s to own. She looked at the now darkened skies and sighed. She hadn’t meant to stay away from the house this late. She was starting to feel something deep down. A sense of strange guilt. Was it possible that she was feeling that she was a horrible parent? She shook her head. She reminded herself that Exeter was home. He could handle this. It was then that she remembered the fact that Exeter was home and her confidence began to wane again. As she reached the front door, she felt a sudden dread start to over take her. Whatever the case was, she would find out soon enough.

The house itself was deathly quiet. As she made her way through the rooms, she could see half-hazard attempts at cleaning up what was most defiantly quite the eventful day. As she passed the main room, she paused for a moment then glanced inside.

Exeter was passed out on the sofa, his head lolled back in slumber, which given his species was quite impressive. In his arms, resting protectively against his chest, was Kaelyn, who also was fast asleep. Paisley sighed and smiled a bit. Sights like this tended to even get to her sometimes. Walking over, she sat next to Exeter, moving his free arm to rest around her and laying her head against his shoulder. Closing her eyes, she joined Exeter and baby Kaelyn in their sleep….as a family.