Haruka's Stag Party

True Blue

rflood@medaille.edu

 

Haruka’s Stag Party

 

Motoki’s Bar (4:00PM)

 

It was the afternoon before the much anticipated wedding of Tenou Haruka and Kaioh Michiru, therefore it was also Haruka’s last evening as single woman, and as such the night to host the most extreme, wild, and certifiably insane Stag Party ever to occur on the face of the earth.

A delivery of an ungodly amount of alcohol including but not limited to Duff, Yebisu, Absolut Vodka, Budweiser, Heineken, and numerous other incarnations of booze had just been delivered to the bar.

“Hey chief, where you want the two uber kegs?” called out one of the delivery crew to the proprietor of everyone’s favorite bar in Azabu Juuban.

“Over in the corner’s fine! Just makes sure they’re tapped and ready, cause they’ll probably be one of the first targets of the guests tonight.” Responded Motoki, (who for some reason thought if he got Haruka drunk enough she might leave Michiru for him)

[Yes, he’s delusional, but what do you expect? This is Motoki we’re talking about.]

The man nodded and did so then headed outside to bring in the next dozen or so cases of beer.

 

(4:30PM)

 

The entertainment was ready and waiting, the munchies were out, the beers were cold and frothy, and the guests were beginning to filter in. All that was left was the arrival of the guest of honor.

From down the block, the screeching of tires could be heard fast approaching, heralding the soon arrival of one Tenou Haruka.

Wolfwood, Solarchos, Haak and a few others were hanging out by the door, waiting for Haruka to make the scene so they could start the party for real.

The sound of squealing tires soon drew very near followed by the sound of a sports car moving at a high rate of speed slamming on its brakes and skidding to a halt just outside the bar.

(From outside) “DAMN IT TENOU! How is it every time you get behind the wheel of a car you always seem to nearly run me over!?!!?”

“It’s your own damn fault for teleporting your sorry ass into the middle of the street!”

“But I’m on the SIDEWALK, not the street you moron!”

“Details Jed, details…”

“You know I loathe you Tenou…”

“Careful there Jed, Michi might get jealous.”

“Just shut the Hell up imbecile.”

Haruka then strides into the bar, Absolute Perfection Field flowing, showering sakura petals about the entry.

“I have arrived! Now let’s party!!!” Haruka shouts out, and then makes a beeline for a frosty one.

“Let me get you a beer Brother Haruka of the Cult of Anno.” Calls out Shinji, drawing a Yebisu from the cooler and tossing it to Haruka.

Haruka snatches the can in mid-air, chugs it down and crushes the can in her fist all in record time.

“Arigato Brother Shinji of the Cult of Anno!” Haruka responds to the Green Lantern of the group whiles tossing the empty can to the side.

 

(5:10PM)

 

The party is now in full swing and a few individuals wander in fashionably late.

One of said individuals being Prof. Tomoe.

“Hey Prof, I would have thought you’d be here earlier?” David O’Cain asks of the mad scientist as he gets another round from Motoki.

“IT TOOK ME LONGER THAN I THOUGHT TO SNEAK SOME OF MY SPECIAL BREWS OUT OF THE HOUSE PAST HOTARU!” Tomoe replies as he heads around the bar dragging along a rather large cooler.

“MY TURN TO PLAY BARTENDER! YOU GO TAKE A BREAK!” Tomoe calls to Motoki as he unceremoniously boots the poor lad from behind the bar.

“Uh sure…” Motoki responds quite uncertainly as he knows a little of the Professor’s reputation.

Elsewhere about the room, the gang as a whole is hanging out, drinking and talking about random stuff. Mike (Dembeck) is telling some embarrassing stories of stupid things that Dante’s done to the group, while Dante just glares at him, and mentally notes to knock him senseless the next time they spar.

Xadium is off nursing a beer while reminiscing with Archangel about some wild party back on Gallifrey back in their academy days.

 

(5:29PM)

 

“Hey Elios, when’s the entertainment supposed to be here?” Artemis asks of the gangsta priest.

“They be here at da two half pasts, else I bust a cap up their ass!” replied the equine preacher punk.

At just that time, in through the front door, busts Stone Cold Steve Austin.

“Who’s ready for some goddamn partying!!!” Shouts out the Wrestling superstar while toting in a party favor keg.

“Dude! Kickass, you guys got Stone Cold for my party?!” Calls out Haruka who’s beginning to get a bit tipsy from the sheer amount of alcohol she’s inhaled.

“Yeah, his agent was real eager for him to come, something about you and Michiru being the number one patrons of professional wrestling.” Artemis recounts to Haruka.

“Must be cause of all the Pay Per View and merchandise I get off the Internet with Michiru’s credit cards.” Haruka admits.

“Which she doesn’t know about you doing right?”

“Probably not.”

Artemis simply facepaws at this.

Yaijinden in his ‘Yaijita’ outfit strolls up to Stone Cold.

“So… I hear your pretty strong, care to test your strength against me, Yaijita the strongest?” Yaijita asks of the pro wrestler.

“Sure, what the hell. Will arm wrestling work? Cause I’m off duty, and the union can be pretty damn pissy about unsanctioned matches.” Stone Cold replies to the Saiyan styled Khadi.

“I suppose, it’ll do… although I was hoping for a true test of power, but I’ll take what I can get.” Yaijita cockily retorts.

The two sit at a table, grasp fists in the age-old arm wrestling position and wait for that split second when both will throw their full strength into one mighty motion.

WHAM!!

“Bu.. bu- but… I’m the STRONGEST!!!” Yaijita wails, his fist embedded into the table.

“That was kind of fun, we should do that shit again sometime.” Stone Cold casually tells Yaijita and heads off to grab a bear from Prof Tomoe.

“How could I lose…?” Yaijita moans and goes to drown his disappointment in as much booze as he can get his hands on.

 

(6:00PM)

 

“Hey you wanna get married?” A fairly drunk Yaijinden, who somehow ended up with a green lampshade on his head, begins to ask of the nearest person.

“You already asked me that once Yai, I’m going to have to pass. Plus I’d rather be the one performing the ceremony since you blew off that time I was supposed to.” True Blue casually responds.

“Your loss then.” Yaijinden fires back and goes to ask another person.

“Hey, you wanna get hitched?”

“Dude, this MY stag party, I’m already getting hitched.” Haruka retorts, a bit miffed that she’s not as drunk as Yaijinden seems to be yet.

“How’s bout you? You wanna marry me?” Yaijinden asks of another.

“I’ll pass. Minako would kill me. Again.” Xadium responds to the Khadi.

“Hey! You, me, married?” Yaijinden spurts out once more.

“Nah, I’ll pass, taking care of my own kid is tough enough without having to deal with you and all your spawn.” Envy replies turning down Yai, while getting a special brew from Tomoe at the bar.

Motoki, who’s fairly smashed at this point, from drowning his sorrows yet again, looks up at where the voice is coming from. In his drunken stupor he only sees the green lampshade on Yaijinden’s head.

“I’ll marry you!” Motoki shouts out thinking that it is his beloved Kamekichi that is looking for a husband.

“Reaaally? Yeessss…..” Yaijinden semi-slurs out.

Overhearing this exchange True Blue gets up and heads over. (To himself) ‘I’m going to catch hell for this later I know, but I’ve got to do this, its too tempting to pass up.’ (Outloud) “I can hitch you two!”

“Really?” Both Yaijinden and Motoki intone, both drunk and not fully aware of what’s actually going on.

“Yeah.” True Blue smiles with a fairly evil grin. He then pulls out his ‘Big Book O Religious Rituals’.

“I’m going to adlib this, but it’ll still be official. All right, we are gathered here today to join these two souls in ‘Holy’ Matrimony. Do you take this person to be your spouse?” True Blue asks of Yaijinden.

“Yeessssshh…..” Yaijinden slurs out with a goofy grin on his face.

“Do you take this person to be your spouse?” True Blue asks of Motoki.

“YES!” Motoki shouts out, still not aware of whom he’s actually getting hitched to.

“Good. Then by the power vested in me by Kami-sama, (under his breath) and through the involvement of a shitload of alcohol; (Outloud) I now pronounce you, a married couple. Now kiss you two fools!” True Blue recites while trying to keep a semi-straight face.

Yaijinden and Motoki begin to make out and roll off towards an unoccupied corner.

“Dude, Blue, that was just… evil…” Dyne comments to the now madly smirking True Blue.

“Yeah… but funny as hell!” True Blue enthusiastically responds.

“True.” Dyne agrees with True Blue’s statement.

 

(6:30PM)

 

“Hey, drinking myself stupid is fun and all, but I’m getting a bit bored. What else is there to do around here?” Haruka asks from above an open beer.

“Don’t worry Haruka, me and a bunch of the gang sprung for something special. It should be here real soon.” Haak answers Haruka while working on his own bottle of suds.

Just then through the back doors Max pushes in a giant layer cake.

“Here is ze yummy cake with ze special filling!” Max calls out to the room.

“Max, did you make this cake?” Roomie bewilderedly asks of his cosmic powered roommate.

“Non, zhey just needed help pushing it into ze room because it iz quite large.” Max dismisses the question nonchalantly.

The six foot tall and six foot wide cake’s top suddenly pops off, revealing three scantily clad women. A beautiful blonde in a bikini, a gorgeous teal haired woman in sailor suit, and a hot redhead in an even skimpier nurse’s outfit.

At this both Furu and Solarchos instantly begin to massively nosebleed and collapse onto the floor.

“Geez… lightweights…” True Blue sighs at the two’s lack of blood control and tosses a handy box of Kleenex between the two.

The three girls begin to do their routine causing the assembled group, minus Furu and Solarchos who were currently out cold on the floor, to collectively drool and/or ogle like lovesick idiots. Eventually the girls went about the room to ‘socialize’.

The blonde was flirting with Duo, and apparently idly batting at his braid like a kitten at yarn. The teal haired beauty was hanging about Haruka, whom being a bit drunk thought the looked like Michiru. The redhead was at the bar seemingly chatting with Tomoe.

“I can’t shake the feeling like I know those girls.” True Blue idly mused aloud.

“Eh, how so?” Envy asks back, while eyeing the curves on the blonde across the room.

“Not sure… just something familiar…” True Blue murmurs.

Tomoe and the redhead then both begin to cackle maniacally at some joke the professor made.

“No… it couldn’t be…” True Blue begins to intone.

“..after all, I am the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe!” The redhead calls out before both she and Tomoe break into the maniacal laughter again.

“It is… It’s Washu……” True Blue mutters.

“You mean you do know these chicks? Could you put in a good word for me with the blonde?” Envy inquires.

“Trust me, you probably don’t wanna date her, she’s got some screwy luck and chaos tends to follow in her wake.” True Blue advises the green haired homunculus.

Across the room the teal haired girl (obviously Kiyone) is chatting with Shinji.

“So how’d you get into this line of work?” Shinji asks of the chick he’s hoping to get lucky with.

“Me and my idiot partner over there wanted a little extra cash and our friend at the bar said she needed a new ‘hobby’. One of our housemates jokingly suggested this, but it’s actually worked out pretty well. It’s good pay and a lot of fun too.” Kiyone answers, and then asks in return. “How about you? What do you do when you’re not out partying?”

“I’m sort of a superhero among other things.” Shinji suavely yet vaguely responds.

Meanwhile in another part of the room, Mihoshi has managed to get herself tangled in Duo’s braid.

“See, that’s kinda why you don’t want to date her.” True Blue points out to Envy.

 

(7:10PM)

 

“Hey Tenou, there’s some car or something outside looking for you.” Jedite informs the now quite drunk Haruka.

“Whazzat bout ah car?” Haruka questions.

“Some talking automobile, it said something about a kit for your party. Beats me what it meant by that.” Jedite idly muses.

Haruka heads out to the road to see that…

“Holy Shit! It’s KITT!” Haruka shouts from outside.

An also very drunk Wolfwood heads outside as well.

“Hey I got the keys to the General Lee still from my stag party.” Wolfwood mentions to Haruka.

“You know what that means right?” Haruka inquires of Wolfwood.

“Yep.” Wolfwood responds.

“STREET RACE!!!” The two drunken fools shout out at the same time. They then proceed to jump into their respective chariots for the night. Tires squeal and the two cars head out of sight. Soon after horns honking and the sounds of various forms of collateral damage can be heard several blocks away amidst the sound of ‘Low Rider’ being pumped out of two cars at several hundred decibels.

“Better call the fire department and a bunch of ambulances…” Dyne idly notes viewing plumes of smoke rising several blocks away.

“Couldn’t hurt.” True Blue agrees while nodding.

 

(7:50PM)

 

Soon after the ensuing carnage of a street race between Haruka and Wolfwood in KITT and the General Lee respectively, they manage to end up back at the bar, miraculously both alive and with not a scratch on either car.

However the streets of Azabu Juuban and various buildings, cars and innocent bystanders were not so fortunate.

The gang continued in their merriment and getting smashed out of their minds for quite some time.

A bit later Haruka was downing another brew while bullshitting with Elios about what Michiru might be doing for her bachelorette party.

 

{Transition to Tuxedo Rainbow’s Submission; Part Deux}